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February 10 2012
Jar Jar – The Aftermath
Meesa gonna be missing from da wedding cake!
Yesterday I wrote about enlisting a coworker to play a prank on her Star Wars fan of a fiancé by suggesting they include Jar Jar Binks on their Star Wars themed wedding cake.
She couldn’t wait to carry out the plan, and, well, here’s the recap she emailed to me this morning:
So last night I had my BlackBerry out and I pretended I was looking something up on the internet, but really I was reading from the script you wrote. His reactions were almost EXACTLY what you wrote. It was hilarious. I only made it to his reaction to the name Jar Jar Binks… I laughed too much to finish.
I let him read your email and he was impressed by your Star Wars knowledge.
So there you go – I’d say that went well! And hey, they’re still together, so I don’t have to feel guilty about unintentionally breaking up the happy couple!
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February 09 2012
Jar Jar Binks
Meesa most hated character in Star Wars!
Those three innocuous words fill any die-hard Star Wars fan with revulsion.
A coworker of mine is engaged to a die-hard fan. She never watched any of the Star Wars movies until she met him. He has only “allowed” her to watch Episodes IV, V, and VI (the older ones). [Don't worry, it's a healthy relationship - she has absolutely no desire to watch the new ones.]
As I said, he’s a die-hard fan. They’ve talked about having Han and Leia cake toppers on their wedding cake (I’ll give you one guess whose idea that was.)
So I’m enlisting her in a prank. I’ve explained who Jar Jar Binks is to her, and she’s going to bring it up to him in a little scene that should go something like this:
Her: Oh honey, I saw the coolest thing today.
Him: Yeah, what was it?
Her: It’s something from Star Wars. And I want to include it on our cake, ok?
Him: *eyes lighting up* Yes? What was it? A working replica of a light saber? A tie fighter? A foot-high model of the Death Star?
Her: No silly, none of those things. No, I saw a clip on Youtube. He’s the cutest character, and so silly. Let’s see, his name was…Jar Jar Binks, I think?
Him: *aghast* No. No no no no no nononono. For all that is holy, no. Anything but that.
Her: Oh, why not sweetie? He’s so cute, with that long tongue, and big floppy ears. And that cute accent? “Meesa hungry!” I love that!
Him: …
Her: Oh come on baby, pleeeeease?
Him: No. Anything but that.
Her: Oh, ok, fine. How about an Ewok then? Or one of those “pod racers” that Jar Jar Binks was fixing? OOH! How about an Ewok riding IN a pod racer? Wouldn’t that be adorable?
Him: …
Him: I’d like the engagement ring back, please.
.
Come to think of it, maybe this isn’t such a good idea for a prank, after all.
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October 19 2011
I Always Liked Doing Dissections in Biology Class
Hmm, it is all starting to make sense now.
Reminds me of a Da Vinci drawing...
And of course, this also reminds me of the famous Groucho Marx quote:
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
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June 01 2011
Good Coffee!
(Click to enbiggen)
- We’ve got at least one individual with very strong passive-aggressive tendencies in the office. They also apparently don’t know how to use their spell-check program, although they did quite a nice job at the formatting for the “Low Coffee Level” contestants. (I would have centered the headings above the blank spaces, but that’s just a personal preference.)
- We’ve got at least one smartass in the office (not counting myself [and I did not write either the note or the response])
- I am almost positive this is going to escalate into a conflict of epic proportions, and the only solution will be to nuke the coffee machine and have everyone start drinking tea. Stocking up on my Earl Grey, just in case.
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May 04 2011
Puss in Boots
If it’s been a while since you read the fairy tale, let me quickly recap:
- Youngest son’s inheritance is a cat.
- Puss demands and receives a pair of boots.
- Puss proceeds to hunt and catch animals in the forest and present them to the King as gifts from the fictional Marquis de Carabas.
- Puss tells his master to strip naked and hide in the river while he cons the King and his daughter into thinking the young man is the Marquis de Carabas and has been robbed.
- Puss runs ahead and coerces the peasants along the road into telling the King that the fields, farms, and game preserves he passes all belong to the Marquis de Carabas. Puss threatens to cut them up into mincemeat if they don’t comply.
- Puss enters a castle where an ogre lives, tricks the ogre into turning into a mouse, kills and eats him, and claims ownership of the castle for his master.
- The King, impressed by the wealth of the “Marquis”, gives the impostor his princess’ hand in marriage and makes him heir to the throne.
- Puss lives high on the hog and only chases mice when he feels like it, thereafter.
My thoughts:
- Puss is kind of a dick.
- This sounds oddly like the set of actions that created the last big Real Estate Bubble.
- This is the best example I can find in literature where lying is rewarded, where an apparently completely undeserving individual (the third son) ends up on top of it all through trickery and deception, and appearance and wealth are stressed above all other things as the driving forces for marriage.
- I’m pretty sure I’m going to avoid reading this story to my kids until they’re old enough to understand how truly twisted it is.
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March 08 2011
Yogurt Madness, or Mad About Yogurt
I’ve written about yogurt container designs before. I’m not an expert, or even a yogurt aficionado, but I do tend to pack one in my lunch most days, so I’ve had my share of experience with different packages.
This is one of the silliest designs for a yogurt container I’ve seen yet.
Yes, it’s a cute idea to have a separate “mixer” compartment, but it completely fails the usability test.
Scooping the strawberry topping (or honey, in the case of the other one I bought) is difficult due to the narrowness of that section of the container. If you’re not extremely careful, some will spill over the sides and onto your table. I could see them scoring the divider between the two sections so you could fold the smaller over and let it spill into the larger one, but the manufacturer didn’t do this and my attempts to do so made even more of a mess.
The whole container is only about 1.5” tall, so it’s more like trying to spoon yogurt off a plate, rather than out of a cup.
These design flaws, along with the consistency of the too-watery yogurt, firmly entrench this brand on my “Products Not To Buy Ever Again” list.
-Ross, who shall probably now be forever thought of as ‘That Yogurt Dork’ by the rest of the internet
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October 06 2010
Monkey Business
My daughter’s homework was to create a pattern using the letters A and B, and then draw two things that start with the same sound as “mouse”. I present to you her finished product.
Note the extra care she took in sketching the simian, including his banana in-hand. He certainly looks happier than the man on the left!
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March 25 2010
Advertising Blunders – The Legacy Way
You may think your company name sounds cool, but a few words of advice:
When comparing two different techniques, “The Old Way” and your method, AKA “The Legacy Way”, sound suspiciously similar. In fact, you may not know this, but the word “legacy” actually implies your method is old, and possibly obsolete. It certainly does not give one the impression that you are the the innovative, cutting edge, and successful process that you are trying to promote.
It’s probably too late to change your company name, but I’d look at hiring a different advertising firm in the future. They seem to be a bit of a legacy themselves.
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